If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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