I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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