I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
