Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
are you so shy because you have an std?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
