Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
