The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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