I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
