think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
