You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
