So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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