$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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