You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
