Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
