All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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