One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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