i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She is in my trunk
I just pynch a tree in the face
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
