We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
