The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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