the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Shame - the story of my life.
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