She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
