my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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