I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
did you just send me my own nude
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
