wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
