We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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