I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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