oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
