dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
