I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
