We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
