i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
