really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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