I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
