But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
