My Higher Power is John Stamos
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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