So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
