I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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