girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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