I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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