how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
