Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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