so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
