ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
