dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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