I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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