ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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