i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
