Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he was CRYING into my vagina
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
