It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
