The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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