MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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