She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
