Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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